How Not to Drown

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter One

I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever get out of this rut I’m in. Some people say it’s quarter-life crisis hitting me hard. Others say that I’m getting to know myself better. That I’m finding who I really am.

After two years of searching outside and within, I finally know what I want to do. It’s just that, I don’t know how I’ll ever break out with probably a million others who have the same dreams as I do. Out of so many fish in the sea, how do I stand out? How do I be different from all the rest?

I never realized how much I loved writing until I almost forgot that I enjoyed doing it so much. I almost forgot about something I loved to do because I stopped doing it. I stopped doing it for myself. I just stopped.

I overheard this in the office sometime last week.

“I feel empty. It’s not that I don’t like the job I have now, I actually enjoy it. I just feel like there’s something missing inside me and I don’t know what it is.”

Then it hit me. I wasn’t alone.

Waiting for Life to Happen

Do not.

Do not wait for your life to happen.

It is already happening. You are alive.

Life does not happen the moment you get promoted.

It does not begin when you get a boyfriend or get married.

Life happens during those dark lonely hours when you feel you’re unloved.

Life happens when you cry in pain because exercising seems too much of a struggle but you need to do it.

Life happens in moments when you just don’t know what to do next.

It’s okay not to know what to do next.

What is NOT okay is to not know what to do or where you’re going.

At least know what you want to do now.

Yes, now.

Write? Go write.

Want to look and feel better? Hit the pool or gym or whatever makes you feel healthier.

Buy that bikini? Go ahead, splurge a little. You deserve to spend sometimes.

Do what you want to do now.

Do what makes you feel alive and what makes others feel alive, joyful.

Start with one thing and keep doing it.

Do not stop if it brings you joy.

Do not stop if it brings you satisfaction.

Do not stop if you are scared.

Life is about risk. You are not risking anything if you are not afraid.

So go on, do the first thing on your almost-forgotten list.

But let me remind you again, that life is not waiting for you to make it happen.

Life is happening.

Life is now.

You are alive.

Go and feel it.

Yes, you are alive.

You just have to choose and to act.

Do it now.

You’ll never get back the second you spent reading the next word.

Just go and do it.

Love life.

Live.

 

Life Stories: An Introduction

 

What is life?

 

It’s a huge book of stories.

 

Stories that last seconds.

Stories that last days.

Stories that make up a year or two.

Stories formed in many ways.

 

Stories waiting to be written.

Some waiting to be told.

Most often than not these are stories are what makes our life so gold.

 

Stories take time.

One minute of everyday.

You have the option to choose how to write it, if you have the chance one day.

 

So while I still have time left, I’ve decided to do something so I won’t forget.

Life is made up of stories, of memories we took part.

Writing these down, at least once a day will help leave a mark.

 

I need to write.

I need to remember.

Like this love, that touch, his laughter.

 

This is the beginning of my life’s memories.

And this are my…

 

Out of Time

24 hours is a day.

The weekend is just two.

48 hours later, it’s Monday

And I’m feeling blue.

 

Dragging myself out of bed,

I put on my happy face

9 hours spent on my desk

Woah, what a waste.

 

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

All seems the same

I could have done more but

All the inspiration goes down the drain

 

Friday comes and I’m hopeful

The afternoon doesn’t seem so bad

Life is finally getting started

Real freedom is at hand

 

5:30 seems too long to arrive

I get jittery and start to unwind

Suddenly work appears like thief

Stealing my weekend, what a thrill!

 

And so another hour to add

To the work that steals from my life

I could have spent this exercising

Had I known I’d eat much that night

 

I plop onto bed feeling at ease

Tomorrow is Saturday,

No need to wake early

It’s going to be a breeze

 

I catch up on sleep

Like I haven’t had much at all

The moment I wake up

I’ve wasted it all

 

It’s Sunday and I’ve got to prepare

There’s still laundry to do

Mouths to feed and

Things to renew

 

Weekends are too short

Two days only, why two?

Wished I didn’t have to work

Because two days are too short to be with you.

 

If We Meet Again

 

If We Meet Again

Sorry for the flowers I never gave you

I wish I could have bought you one

Sorry for the words I never said

It’s easier said than done

Sorry if I couldn’t look you in the eyes

I wish I could smile at you more genuinely

Sorry if I didn’t hold your hand

I was afraid it won’t fit perfectly

Sorry if I shouted your song

Still what I feel remained unheard

Sorry for the lousy holiday message

But know that I meant every word

Sorry for the short replies

I just didn’t know what to say

Sorry for the time we never spent

If only I could stay…

But I couldn’t…

And we both know the reason why

Sorry for the moment we never shared

Your love came at the wrong time

Sorry if I broke you heart

You’re special and that is true

I love you, yes

But not the way you want me to

Sorry if in many ways I hurt you

Maybe it was never meant to be

If we meet again in another life

I promise it would be you and me

 

A response to the earlier post entitled “Thank You, Goodbye”.

Thank you, Goodbye

Thank you, Goodbye

 

Thank you for the flowers you never gave me

And the letter you never wrote

Thank you for the questions you never asked

And the words you never spoke

 

Thank you for the stare we never shared

And for the smile you have to fake

Thank you for not holding my hand

Probably a chance you’ll never take

 

Thank you for the song we sang together

It will always be my favorite

Thank you for the lovely holiday message

I wonder if you really meant it

 

Thank you for the talk you never started

And the courtesy for a short reply

Thank you for the time we never spent

And for the nights you made me cry

 

Thank you for asking if I was fine

I wish I could tell you I’m not

Thank you for the moment we never had

And why we could never give us a shot

 

Thank you for breaking my heart

When I said I love you, you said I am special

Right then I knew

Our feelings were never mutual

 

Thank you for the love unrequited

Now I’ll just let time pass us by

Thank you for never wanting me

It’s time to say goodbye.

 

*This is a contribution by a good friend who did not want to be named. This friend of mine could really write well. I hope this friend would continue to write. 🙂

Why You Shouldn’t Go on Vacations

The thing about vacations is that at the end of it, you’ll start to hate why you even bothered to go on one in the first place. It’s that post-vacation depression that starts to consume you the moment you start packing your things up, saying goodbye to the new friends you’ve found and getting in that vehicle that will transport you away from the happy place you’ve called home for the past four days.

It’s only been one night since I arrived back in the city and every time I think of the mornings I spent watching the sun rise and set for the past four days, I get teary-eyed. I start to wonder why I can’t just spend the rest of my life living on the beach where everything seems to slow down and all you have to care about is the here and now. Will the surf be up tomorrow? If not, should we be doing yoga while the sun rises or should we sleep in longer to catch up on the lost sleep from the night’s stargazing session on the sand?

It all starts from the moment I arrive, You know, the all-too-familiar feeling of being all too excited to do every single thing you dreamed about doing for months? Yes, that’s what I felt since I decided to schedule this vacation. From the moment you take off your slippers and feel the velvety soft sand warm your toes as you run across the shore, to the rejuvenating splash as you dive into the unusually clear waters of the ocean – every single nerve in my body was tingling with life.

What was most exhilarating was the good news of surf. When your surf buddies release the words “Naay balod” (surf’s up!) the adrenaline starts pumping real bad. I run towards the hut grabbing the wax and doing a superhero move to change from land clothes to my surf costume. Every ounce of my body was shaking from excitement. I didn’t mind the 9-foot plus longboard I was carrying. I had to rush to the spot, the quicker I get there the more waves I can catch. After all, the waves don’t wait for anyone.

Carefully traipsing across the reef rocks, making sure I don’t cut myself, I get the leash on quick and jump on. Paddling out, I can’t help the looking at the bottom getting deeper. It is a bit scary not knowing what really lies underneath and what could probably jump out of the water any moment but those thoughts die a natural death when I see the waves breaking towards me. Paddling faster to avoid getting caught by the incoming wave, the excitement just grows ever stronger.

You know the lulls in between waiting for the sets to arrive? This has to be one of my favorites aside from actually riding the waves. That lull means I can catch my breath and watch my buddies paddle hard to catch the wave like nothing else mattered. That lull also means I can cheer for them when they finish that long ride. It also means I can sit on my board and look back to see a potential wave I can catch.

Lulls give me time to just thank God for the moment I am in. For the moment of being tossed by the waves and pulled under to the moment of breaking through the surface to breathe, pure gratitude and bliss was all I felt.

These brief escapes from reality tend to leave my heart longing for more of these escapes, which I probably won’t be having for a long time given the current circumstances that hound my professional life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my corporate life. It’s exciting and makes me feel like a legit adult. Although there’s always that part of me that longs to be part of the world that I loved ever since and that’s being one with the ocean, be it surfing or snorkeling or diving ever deeper until my breath stops me.

 

*Article originally appeared on my old blog, A Pink Banana, last Nov. 1, 2014.

Of Forgetting Sunscreens and Remembering

Gosh. I miss the ocean.

I miss falling asleep on a hot Sunday night, wishing I didn’t have to work on Monday. Wishing I could still surf when I woke up the next day. I miss having those sunburn hang-over moments when I would wake up and tell myself to never forget sunscreen ever again.

One week would pass by, I’d find myself surfing the weekends and waking up on Monday mornings realizing that I really should have placed sunscreen before surfing. And the cycle would begin every single weekend that I’d head to the beach to surf.

I have to admit though, I love my sunburnt skin. It reminds me of a hot summer’s day lazily lounging by the beach, waiting for the tide to turn in some great afternoon surf session. Every photograph would remind me of how my skin turned so dark – similar to how much I love the sea and her elements.

I never regretted everything I did just to be in the ocean. The sun, burning down on my back. The wind howling in my ear and the salty spray of the ocean’s mist on my face whenever I missed a good wave. Oh and that after-surf glow! I just adored that sun-kissed, orange glow that my cheeks would have after a whole sunny day of surf.

It’s been two years since my first date with a board and the waves. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being in love with the sea. Land affairs may have gotten a much higher priority than my carefree days being a weekend surfer but I will never forget the sea.

I have to return and when I get the soonest chance to, I’ll drown myself in that experience. Relive the memories in my mind for as long as I can and when I finally admit that I need to go back and create more memories, I’ll just go.

And maybe, one day, after a good surf session – tired and stoked. I’ll realize I won’t ever have to go away because home – the beach, is where I stay.

She Longed for the Sea

 

*A Sea Series Collection

 

She Longed for the Sea

 

The first time she saw the sea,

With all her unending glory

Her heart stopped at such beauty

 

The sun would glisten on her surface

Much like the touch of a lover,

Skin on skin and kisses

 

At night she would see the moon

Longing to just touch her

Pulling her waves but never closer

 

At dawn the sun would kiss her edges

Bursts of romantic colors

The sea come alive with its creatures

 

She would stay there for hours

Warming the cold sand

Watching the sky change colors

 

The ocean’s wind, her salty breeze

Would reach her and whisper

Promises and pleasures of yonder

 

She stands and comes closer

Her toes touching the water

In she goes, head first to the cold

 

Holding her breath, her heart, her soul

Opening her eyes and gasping for air

How she wished she just could stay there.

 

~~~

Til the next wave,

M.F.S.

 

*Sea Series is a set of collected reflections about the sea.

 

 

A Mermaid Up Here

She thought she was lost when she wandered north

Up, up, somewhere near the fog

As she followed the trail that took so much time

She looked around and saw a world divine

Her heart stopped, “What a captivating view!”

“There’s water here, and clouds too!”